One of the hardest things to go through is watching someone you love struggle with addiction. It is especially frustrating now that I myself am in recovery. I remember thinking that I had it all figured out too. The difference between those who make it and those who don't is really simple. Humility, recovery either humbles you or buries you, there is no other way.
Understanding what it takes to heal, to grow and become a better man only came with arrogance and then life humbled the fuck out of me. Showed me that I wasn't as smart as I thought, I knew very little about the world outside of addiction. That world I could tell you all about, and how important I thought I was in it. It isn't easy to look in the mirror and admit how insignificant we truly are. Ego and arrogance are two things that I myself still battle on a daily basis. I don't win everyday however, I am very aware of it. I just seen someone with very little clean time trying to flex on other addicts and it really left me with overwhelming feeling of sadness for this individual. Why are we so self centered that we think we have the right to attack others for us to feel better about ourselves. Why not just do the work it takes to face what you need to face. If only it really worked that way.
It's easier to dive into things other than ourselves, and that's not recovery! Not using, yet not doing anything about why you used is sobriety. I understand for some that is all they are capable of, there are those unfortunate ones that will never get the recovery concept. There is nothing I can do about it, I can't slap recovery into them. I would really like to at times however, it would do no good. This is one of those situations where I will have to set my boundaries and keep it moving. I am not saying that I have all the answers or a road map to happiness and sunsets. What I am saying, is that the concepts and practices are the same for all that have found a new way to live. Doesn't mean they all took the same path however, I can promise they used the same principles. Honesty, open mindedness and willingness. Integrity and humility are things that come with surrender, and truly knowing what it means to surrender comes with hitting your bottom.
I have used this situation to really take a look at myself and how arrogant I can still be and how self-centered people truly are by nature. (Myself included) I have been working diligently on becoming a man that I can be proud of. That doesn't mean I am not proud of who I am. It just means that I will continue to work on making decisions and statements that aren't ego driven. I will push myself daily to be honest about my reality and what I need to do to improve it. It's a journey and we all are on different reasons why we are here. Some are just beginning and others have been here awhile. Either way recovery is the healing of the soul and it doesn't matter if you have 30 days or 30 years. Everyday is going to bring a different set of challenges, and we have to be ready to face them. Not just face them, face them with integrity and purpose, otherwise what the hell is the point.