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I have enough...

One thing about my life that has truly been consistent is the struggle. I have always looked at life as if I were at war. Well, the war is over! I can't say that enough, it's over, and the only thing left to do is come home! Most of us know a veteran or ex-con with this same struggle. How does one really come home after being on a battlefield? Where do we even begin to understand the wreckage that we must sort through? It's gonna take some effort! Freedom comes at a cost; now, that will look different in every situation. So what does your bill for freedom look like?

Whatever it is, it's time to settle up!


I say this to people, and the initial reaction is usually the same: people feel they will be losing out on something. The word cost, more times than not, seems like a negative thing. We have to give something up to gain something. Scary right? Is it, though? To me, it's a life-or-death decision, literally. Life doesn't begin the moment you are born; that is your physical body taking form. Life starts when we make a conscious decision to live. To do the things that paralyze us with fear. I have talked with many from all walks of life, and this is the common denominator. Marriages that ended in divorce were actually over for a long time, yet people stayed. Why? Dead-end jobs will suck the very life from our very souls. Yet we cling to them like they are our childhood comforts. The cost of freedom is giving up what has bound us to our friends: fear and doubt. Would you hold a red ember in your hand or drop it when it starts to hurt? Then why the fuck do we hold on to people, places, and things that are not only causing us pain: this shit is killing us!!


I don't mean that in any way other than how it reads. Most of society is eroding away without understanding what is essential. Every year, more technology takes over, and the personalization skills are gone. And so is most of the individual identity that gets lost in social media. We are normalizing hatred and separation for political agendas, so how can humanity possibly compete with that? It seems almost hopeless, and I think that is what most people fall victim to. They don't believe in their own dreams or words. They feel that no matter what they do, it won't make a difference anyway. That is a choice! Stop choosing to not embrace the blessing of life. We don't need everything; we just need to see what is ahead of us.


I have enough; I have everything I need and so much more. I don't have a cup; I have an ocean that is deep and endless. That ocean didn't start out that way, yet here we are. I used to think a bucket list was where your dreams went to die. How much of what is on your bucket list ever really gets done? It should be a list for life; why must we wait until we are almost without life or the ability to really enjoy it before we think to treat ourselves? It's simple, we are afraid to let go of the ember. It hurts, but it is a pain we have grown used to. There was a time when I sought that ember out for comfort. I embraced it until we became one. I believed wholeheartedly that I would continue to exist that way until the last moment of my life. The amazing thing is that just because that was my thought process, it didn't make it so.


Today in my life, I have enough. I have enough because I decided that was the case. This doesn't mean that I am imagining this; it means that I have decided to appreciate what I have while working toward my goals. I now look at my life with excitement for the moment as well as the potential tomorrow might bring. There are many adventures that await; it just takes looking at things from a different lens. I wear glasses that are dirty all the damn time, so dirty at times that I can't see shit. Sometimes I will take them off and clean them right away, and other times I wait until I cannot see anything. I know that the second they are smudged, all it takes is for me to take the time to stop and wipe them off. Something as simple as this shows me that even though I know what it takes to fix the things in my life, I won't until I have had enough. In these moments, I struggle to see and don't use the tools I have been given to correct this. These are the brief moments where I go back to embracing the ember. Today it is on a much smaller scale than it used to be. I don't have to self-destruct; I can embrace more than just the pain.


That feeling in your stomach should be butterflies; if not, some changes must be made. Look at the world and the way society is headed. Ask yourself, will it have been enough when it's over, and there are no more excuses? It's a yes or no question. Words like "kinda" or "maybe" will not cut it for me. I'm coming in hot, and when it's my time, I can look back and smile; however, I am doing everything I can to make this one for the books. This is the only life you have. Drive that son of a bitch like you stole it!!

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